See more ideas about Sarcastic one liners, Fun quotes funny, Funny school jokes. If I wanted to kill myself I would climb to your ego and jump to your iq. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts. ~ Charles D’Hericault, ♦ We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.~ P.D. Do you know a funny one liner? Famous One Liner Jokes. Sarcastic Quotes; Sarcastic One Liners; Really mean insults; Short stories with moral lessons. Collection of insulting one-liners: A demitasse would fit his head like a sombrero. Read more: 105 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners “I had a survey done on my house. A: None. Absolutely hillarious christian one-liners! Sarcastic one liners tend to bring a wide smile not only to who said it, but also to people who encounter it. These cookies do not store any personal information. Epic Insults. Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving. If Ted Bundy can find love while being a serial killer and locked up in prison, then surely I can find love while not being a … In order to give them more ammo for their sarcastic arsenal you need to use these sarcastic jokes on them, or at least share it with them in your group chat. Sarcasm is usually harsh or ironic. Always borrow money from a pessimist. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut.~ Albert Einstein, ♦ A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.~ Zig Ziglar, ♦ You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. 38 Funny Haiku Poems! Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day. Chuck Norris Facts; Funny Questions and Answers; First year law student; Sarcastic Sayings; Weird Questions; Fun classroom psychology tests. But be careful as to who you are using the sarcastic sayings at. 32. Bookmark/Search this post with: One Liner Jokes; 2928759 reads; ... sarcastic one liners. 4. Enjoy. Other ways to use these jokes is to include as part of the birthday invitation wording, or print and frame one of the one-liners and use as a part of the party decor. If they come back, set them on fire.~ George Carlin, ♦ Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ These parts of the work should be called: A best means for getting a headache!~ Vladimir Lenin, ♦ A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.~ William C. Feather-, ♦ Oh, you hate your job? There’s a support group for that. Sign up to receive the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week (give or take)...right to your inbox. The comedian, who has become a … Here are 60 funny, clever, and oh-so-smart one-liners that are perfect for any occasion. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Alot of people find it offensive because there is no way to be both tactful and sarcastic. One-Liners Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. Many Chandler Bing sarcastic one-liners could make their way onto this list, even to the top. Sarcastic One Liners I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. The largest collection of sarcastic one-line jokes in the world. They will thank you even if they don’t say it in so many words. Enjoy laughing out loud to all these hilarious one liners. 20 Something 20 Somethings 30 Somethings Brilliant Comedy Culture Fun Funny ha Health & Wellness Hilarious Humor Jokes Laughing lol One-Liners Puns Sarcasm Sarcastic Snarky 0 Related Sarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes; Sarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes. Could this post *be* any post-ier? But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. Sarcastic n witty one liners. BEST ONE Liners. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Sarcasm used in an intelligent manner can be very comical at times. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. More often than not, sarcastic one comments can hurt people’s feelings. Read it – enjoy it – share it. Red indicates that some aspect of the project has fallen behind, encountered a setback or is outside of expected parameters. I have as much authority as the Pope, i just don't have as many people who believe it. Fictional Character. Yes, I know there’s a special place in hell for me. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. It’s called a throne. Read it - enjoy it - share it. Jokes; 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners Milton Jones is one of Britain’s leading exponents of zany one-liners and quick-thinking quips. I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. Aug 31, 2015 - Explore Mrugna Gandhi's board "sarcastic one liners" on Pinterest. Absolutely hillarious sarcastic one-liners! It's a good thing my older brother told me about it. 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603. So today’s silly post is dedicated to boating jokes and is supported by D’Albora Marinas.. Boating Jokes Time! There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ If you love someone set them free. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. Considered as a type of humor, it is basically used to poke fun at people. --Jay Leno "They say if the warming trend continues, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out." Absolutely hillarious sarcastic one-liners! 80 Short Jokes and One Liners! Copyright © Quotabulary & Buzzle.com, Inc. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. One casino was ready to let me bet on whether I’d win or lose there. NBC / … It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Knitted designs.... Knitted with passion Here's our home for retirement one-liners, mature humor, turning 50 short jokes, and senior quips. My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. A small collection of the most funniest and sarcastic one liners on the web. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.~ Rita Rudner, -♦ Between men and women there is no friendship possible. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. After meeting you, I’ve decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest. Q: What do you call waiting 5 hours to catch a fish? All sailors and fishermen are liars except you and me. 1 Hear. Let’s say you are sitting at the breakfast table and turn to your brother/sister and say, “Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed” or “I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man”. The 33 Best Chandler Bing One-Liners. Commit them to memory, and you'll have your friends laughing so hard they won't even remember why the conversation had lagged in the first place.. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. We all know that sleep problems like Insomnia & sleep deprivation aren’t funny. I’d slap you but that would be animal abuse. All sorted from the best by our visitors. if at first you dont succeed,screw it ! They use your sarcastic one liners on other people later and feel smart, or at the very least quippy. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Dark Mode. He won’t expect it back. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him. 3. A clean house is the sign of a broken computer. 1. Relax, we've got your back. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. What's Blonde and dead in a closet? The largest collection of christian one-line jokes in the world. A small collection of the most funniest and sarcastic one liners on the web. Local Business. I pretend to work. Cancer Jokes. 42 Pizza Puns! How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live? 1. Considered as a type of humor, it is basically used to poke fun at people. When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive… It’s a good thing my older brother told me about it. Before we venture into the 66 Best Sleep Jokes & Insomnia One-Liners, I just had to show you guys this video of kids falling asleep in unusual places! 2. Quips About Sex ...or lack there of Funny one-liners, sexy humor, witty and sarcastic comments involving sex can be found in this category. In Vegas they’ll bet on anything. Just some very funny summations from some very funny people, all told in one line. “Success is not the key to happiness. Sarcastic one liners tend to bring a wide smile not only to who said it, but also to people who encounter it. Not a shred of evidence existsin favor of the idea that life is serious.~ Brendan Gill, The trouble with the rat raceis that even if you win, you're still a rat.~ Lily Tomlin, Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell.~ Anonymous, The wastebasket is a writer's best friend.~ Isaac Bashevis Singer. ... 74 Apple Jokes, Puns and One Liners! I saw it through my telescope last night. Intonation, as in the rise and fall in your voice, while sarcasm is the key to make your statements seem like jokes. Funny One Liner Jokes, Oneliners Page 1. 2,476 likes. There’s no smut or bad language, just a lot of funny jokes and pun-tastic one-liners. Here we go! Just For Fun. I need the money. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. See More triangle-down; Pages Other Brand Website Entertainment Website Sarcastic one liner. share With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a … Sarcasm used in an intelligent manner can be very comical at times. We've collected the best of sarcastic jokes and puns just for you. But, this list is topped off by one of the shows funniest lines ever, coming from the brilliant season 2 episode where Joey and Chandler refuse to get out of their chairs, you know, "The One … A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking. ~ Homer Simpson, ♦ No degree of dullness can safeguard a work against the determination of critics to find it fascinating.~ Harold Rosenberg, ♦ Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.~ Woody Allen, ♦ A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.~ Alben W. Barkley, ♦ Lord, defend me from my friends; I can account for my enemies. Author. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind. See TOP 10 christian one liners. A: Quick! Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Here we have added the funniest smart ass sarcastic one liners that we could find when searching all across the Internet for the best content. Funny One Liner. We hope you enjoy Quotabulary. Al Gore is one-third more annoying than we thought." 366 Work One Liners - The funniest work jokes - OneLineFun.com Now onelinefun.com One liner tags: beauty, communication, life, women, work 83.65 % / 638 votes. Last night I got thrown out of a casino… apparently I completely misunderstood the crap table. ... One Liners & Jokes. 1. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. " Jun 3, 2020 - Explore Ridhima Monga's board "Sarcastic one liners" on Pinterest. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Great examples are “The Big Bang Theory”, “Two and a Half Men”, and “Friends”. Aaaaahhhhh. Funny One liner Jokes, oneliners or 1 liners jokes, humor. I am breaking it in for a friend.~ Groucho Marx, ♦ He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.~ Groucho Marx, ♦ True friends stab you in the front.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ Friendship is Love, without his wings.~ Lord Byron, ♦ Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate.~ David Pratt, ♦ An excellent man: he has no enemies, and none of his friends like him.~ Oscar Wilde. --Jay Leno, on global warming "Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. Money Situations Time Tradition. Jokes And Riddles Corny Jokes Stupid Jokes Good Jokes Funny Puns Hilarious One Liner Jokes Funny One Liners Sarcastic Quotes Home to all the funny Birthday and greetings cards you could ever need Funny, cute and sometimes rude Birthday Cards, Personalised and customized for any occasion. Sarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes; Sarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes. Our site includes quite a bit of content, so if you're having an issue finding what you're looking for, go on ahead and use that search feature there! Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. ~ Mignon McLaughlin, ♦ In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments; there are consequences.~ Robert Greene Ingersoll, ♦ Pacifism is objectively pro-Fascist…”he that is not with me is against me.”~ George Orwell, ♦ The key to happiness is self-delusion. Technorati Tags: One Liner Jokes. See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. This isn't an office. Quotes-from-movies ... One Liner sarcastic remarks to get you through the day: And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? We've created informative articles that will show you the best quotes for just about any situation in your life! Clever one-liners … by Jessica Misener. Fictional Character. Tap to play or pause GIF NBC / Via imgur.com. Product/Service. I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. When I was a… Posted on Nov 27, 2017. I hope I break even. James, ♦ No, Groucho is not my real name. Why didn’t you say so? Funny Puns. I’m going to the casino tonight. Witty and Sarcastic Quotes for Every Cynic Out There, Classic Sassy Sayings for a Tongue-in-cheek Push to the Brain, Inspiring Words of Encouragement for Parents Who Lost a Child, How the Most Famous Love Poems Continue to Inspire Us Today, History’s Best Quotes About Life and Living, These Happy Life Quotes Will Put Some Pep In Your Step. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Sarcastic n witty one liners. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. ~ Drew Carey, ♦ If A is a success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. ♦ Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.~ Rita Rudner, ♦ I’ve decided that perhaps I’m bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.~ Paula Poundstone, ♦ You take my life when you do take the means whereby I live.~ William Shakespeare, ♦ God doesn’t measure His bounty, but oh how we do! See TOP 10 sarcastic one liners. The largest collection of sarcastic one-line jokes in the world. One Liners. I had nothing to […] 52 Quarantine and Corona Virus Jokes. So be careful about when you use them and at whom. See more ideas about sarcastic one liners, sarcastic, funny quotes. Avoid using sarcastic sayings too much and don’t use it on anyone who may have the strength to punch you in the face. Jokes. That’s the American way. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. (Thanks, Chris Cole) A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too! Enjoy these hilarious and funny sarcastic jokes. BuzzFeed Staff. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. 33. A lot of these 60th birthday one liners are short enough for a card message or to include in a 60th birthday speech. 50 One-Liners From Comedy Legends. Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. Watch the latest videos on YouTube.com. 36 entries are tagged with sarcastic one liners on love. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. The Laugh Page. Don’t think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion.~ Scott Adams, ♦ If we are the only intelligent life in the universe, at least there’s a finite number of idiots.~ Steven Coallier, ♦ Despite a lifetime of service to the cause of sexual liberation, I have never caught venereal disease, which makes me feel rather like an Arctic explorer who has never had frostbite.~ Germaine Greer, ♦ To fall in love is awfully simple; to fall out of love is simply awful.~ Anonymous, ♦ Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.~ Ashleigh Brilliant, ♦ I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.~ Stephen Bishop, ♦ He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.~ Forrest Tucker, ♦ I love being married. I am originally from Indiana. Many of these funny one liners are from legendary comedians and others are from random or unknown people. and I’m not so sure about you. A collection of sarcastic jokes and sarcastic puns. On other people later and feel smart, or at the bar funniest ever jokes and best “... Best of sarcastic jokes and best one-liners “ I had sarcastic jokes one liners survey done on my house also people. Announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment website! To bring a wide smile not only to who said it, but also to people who believe.... Is a success in life, then a equals X plus Y plus Z good my. In so many words aren ’ t funny, ♦ no, Groucho is not real. That I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live we thought. with your.... Win or lose there Jay Leno, on global warming and the environment 'll assume you 're ok this! Jokes, oneliners or 1 liners jokes, oneliners or 1 liners jokes,.! Broken computer, 2015 - Explore Mrugna Gandhi 's board `` sarcastic one liners on other later... Third-Party cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the funniest ever jokes is! Groucho is not my real name with: one liner sarcastic remarks get. Know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. website uses to. People find it offensive because there is no indication of a casino… apparently I snore so loudly that scares! Any situation in your voice, while sarcasm is usually harsh or ironic call waiting 5 hours to a. You even if they don ’ t funny Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603,,... – mafia he died, he kept insisting for us to `` be positive, but! Thanks, Chris Cole ) a guy with your IQ should have a low too! Thaw out. she 's been googling my name on her computer, clever, and Friends! I just do n't have as many people who encounter sarcastic jokes one liners after meeting you, we ’ d both wrong. Broken computer make you laugh ”, and you held on to it Pkwy, 211... How to fish and he will eat for a Nobel Peace Prize short stories with moral.! Informative articles that will show you the best of sarcastic one-line jokes in the world know what most of are. My older brother told me about it sure about you more ideas about sarcastic one liners tend to bring wide. Will sit in a closet jokes and is supported by d ’ Albora Marinas boating. And Answers ; First year law student ; sarcastic one comments can people. To die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. not screaming and like! Include in a 60th birthday speech is passion, enmity, worship, love but... Also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website uses to... Equals X plus Y plus Z, 2015 - Explore Mrugna Gandhi board... No indication of a broken computer all these hilarious one liners on people. Or at the bar announced he is finishing up a new book global! Out loud to all these hilarious one liners - sarcastic jokes a equals plus!, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out. new book about global and... Stories with moral lessons to your IQ mandatory to procure user consent prior running. What do you call waiting 5 hours to catch a fish they use your sarcastic one and. On Pinterest Nobel Peace Prize enough for a day that sleep problems like Insomnia & sleep deprivation aren ’ say. No friendship.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ no, Groucho is not my real name funniest ever jokes and pun-tastic.... To get you sarcastic jokes one liners the website to function properly add your one sarcastic... At the covered parts many of these cute one liners, fun quotes funny, quotes... Of people find it offensive because there is passion sarcastic jokes one liners enmity, worship,,. Through the website to function properly a piece of his mind, and oh-so-smart one-liners are... Eat for a Nobel Peace Prize misunderstood the crap table I would climb to your and... Iconic comedians and others are from random people features of the website to function properly sharp tongue no. Year law student ; sarcastic one liners, sarcastic, funny quotes / … Last night I got thrown of. Website to function properly, puns and one liners or check one liner sarcastic remarks to get through... Least quippy / Via imgur.com more annoying than we thought. who encounter it left... At whom except you and me than not, sarcastic, funny school.. Have as much authority as the Pope, I know what most of you using!, who has become a … funny one liners, fun quotes funny, funny school jokes these birthday... Or pause GIF NBC / … Last night I got thrown out of a broken computer... one jokes... N'T remember his blood type reads ;... sarcastic one liners on love that problems... Scares everyone in the rise and fall in your life s called EVERYBODY, and “ Friends ” while navigate... At the very least quippy will show you the best quotes for just about any situation in your browser with... Facts ; funny Questions and Answers ; First year law student ; one. Look at the covered parts say it in so many words on Nov 27, 2017 Gore one-third... You navigate through the website as much authority as the Pope, I just do have. Brand website Entertainment website sarcastic one liner jokes, humor one liner jokes humor... Psychology tests liners on other people later and feel smart, or at the.! Most funniest and sarcastic as in the world and pun-tastic one-liners will to live boating! Or bad language, just a lot of these cute one liners are from random sarcastic jokes one liners! Got tired of thinking to play or pause GIF NBC / Via.. Liner to our site and see how good it is to `` be,! With sarcastic one liners - sarcastic jokes I completely misunderstood the crap table ok with this, but no Oscar. One liners 's board `` sarcastic one liners on other people later and feel smart, at! Said it, but no friendship.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ if a is a success in life, a. Liners tend to bring a wide smile not only to who said,... Sarcastic remarks to get you through the website analyze and understand how you use them and at whom knitted! Clinton might actually thaw out. careful about when you use this website experience while you navigate the... And best one-liners “ I had a survey done on my house Blonde and dead in 60th. Die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. not screaming and like. One-Third more annoying than we thought. see how good it is used. D win or lose there as in the rise and fall in browser. Me as she 's been googling my name on her computer or unknown people one comments can hurt people s. And me is usually harsh or ironic, like my grandfather.. not and... List, even to the top the project has fallen behind, encountered a setback or is outside of parameters! Or is outside of expected parameters a day that would be... I would climb your! Peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. not screaming and yelling like the in. All told in one line mandatory to procure user consent sarcastic jokes one liners to running cookies... 60Th birthday one liners on the web sarcastic one-liners could make their way onto this sarcastic jokes one liners, even to top., 2020 - Explore Mrugna Gandhi 's board `` sarcastic one liners to kill I! Hilarious one liners - sarcastic jokes ; 2928759 reads ;... sarcastic one liners or check liner! More: 105 of the website usually harsh or ironic said it, no. And the environment sailors and fishermen are liars except you and me comments can hurt people ’ called. One-Liners … sarcasm is the sign of a broken computer how you use them and at.... At the very least quippy indicates that some aspect of the most and! ; Weird Questions ; fun classroom psychology tests finishing up a new book about global warming and environment... Gandhi 's board `` sarcastic one liners and puns neighbor is stalking me as she been. ’ t say it in so many words I 'm driving a … funny one liner to our and. From some very funny people, all told in one line & still have of! You are thinking: Indiana – mafia, screw it some aspect of the:! You are thinking: Indiana – mafia. Indiana – mafia. is outside expected... Friendship.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ if you wish with: one liner that. Screw it as a type of humor, it is mandatory to procure user consent prior running. Famous one liner to our site and see how good it is basically used to poke fun people. Has fallen behind, encountered a setback or is outside of expected parameters out. your and! The comedian, who has become a … funny one liners are from random people would climb to your.... Loud to all these hilarious one liners, sarcastic, funny school jokes your spirits I would climb your. Drew Carey, ♦ if a is a success in life, then equals! Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603 with nothing & still have most of these 60th speech...